One of the biggest comments or complaints I hear from women is “my husband/boyfriend will not dress vintage / go dancing with me.” Ladies, I hear you. I dated my share of men who said they have “two left feet” or “wouldn’t be caught dead in a monkey suit.” Luckily, I did marry someone who loved to dress up and dance and he and I have great discussions on the psyche of women and men and why they will or will not do the things we want them to do. Oscar, my hubby, wrote two articles to 1. Help your significant other overcome his fears, and 2. Help you understand his fears. Together, you have a fighting chance of having you partner in life be your partner in vintage dance and style too.
Today’s article is just for the men written in man speak. Ladies, you wont probably “get it.” Monday’s post is just for the women- read it here.
Gentlemen, read on…..
So your wife/girlfriend wants you to attend an event like a swing dance or an event where you have to dress up in vintage style clothing and you don’t want to do it. There are many reasons you don’t want to and I fully understand all of them. Lets go over a couple of the more important ones and see if I can address some of your issues.
Excuse 1: Dressing up attracts attention
You don’t want to dress up because you feel that you would attract too much attention. Myself, I actually like the attention that it brings. However, I do receive the occasional laugh or snicker from people when I tell them what I do. That is, until they actually see pictures and then are secretly jealous — really. I understand that guys in general do not want to attract any kind of attention where they could be perceived as less than masculine. Guys like to attract attention by doing guy things: grilling, sports, and fighting people or whatever. Here is my response: Man up. You are doing this to impress your woman, to show her that you can maintain your confidence in any situation.
Most of the styles from 1910 onward only involve a suit and tie combination with a hat. Would anyone say that Frank Sinatra, Humphrey Bogart, Enoch ‘Nucky’ Thompson, and Al ‘Scarface’ Capone are not manly? I would like to find those people and fight them.
Here is your chance to look good for a change instead of wearing cargo shorts, flip flops (man feet are disgusting), and a T shirt. These clothes were meant to accentuate your body shape and your woman, or other women if you are single, will appreciate it. I have proven this time and time again and now is your chance to show what you are really made of.
Does that sound like a challenge? It is. She is not asking you to wear a clown costume or dress up like a panda or something else crazy, so get with the program. If your friends make fun of you, then do what Al Capone would do.
Excuse 2. There are not going to be other ‘guys’ there
Dressing up is for dorks and you are afraid that you will be stuck in some kind of tea party where the women pick on men’s shortcomings without any other guys around to talk about sports or video games or whatever you do. One of the things I have learned from being in male only situations (the Army, the Navy, Engineering) is that all guys are mostly the same.
Guys from all parts of the world all talk about the same exact things: women, sports, video games, guns, war, fishing, hunting, drinking, cigars, rock and roll, cars, business, and maybe politics. These are all universal guy things and if there is at least one other guy there, you will be able to talk to him about the same exact stuff you talk to your other buddies about.
Feel free to look at exactly who is going to the event if it is posted on Facebook and make sure there are at least a couple other guys going. I have been to some women only events and while I am secure in myself, you are probably not there yet, so you should avoid all women events until you can handle it.
I think the main reasons guys do not want to dress up is based on fear, and since guys are not allowed to experience fear, then there is no real counter argument to why you shouldn’t go. Now that I have torn down your defenses, I will build up your reasons to go (this is what all military boot camps do, by the way).
Why You Should Dress Up and Dance
Women love it
I addressed this in the first point, but it really it is the main positive reason to do it, so I wanted to elaborate on it. Women absolutely love the way men look when they are dressed up. Look at the guys they swoon over. Is it ‘The situation’ with the perfect abs on that stupid New Jersey reality show? Is it their yoga instructor who wears man-capris? male models? athletes? famous fishermen? professional bowlers? No, it is guys with style.
Take a look at the original Rat Pack, George Clooney, Brad Pitt, James Bond (all of them), the guys from Pride and Prejudice, Johnny Depp, and so on. Women like guys with style and confidence, which means guys who are comfortable enough in their own skin to wear whatever they want. Look at rockstars and the crazy things they wear and then look at their girlfriends. You will stand out in a very good way and promote all your good qualities and minimize your bad ones.
Maybe Johnny Depp likes to play ‘Call of Duty’ all night but he comes across as a sophisticated, intelligent guy. If you are reading this article, you might have been pointed here by your wife or girlfriend. She wants you to read this for a reason without just coming out and telling you she wants to be swooned over and taken out by a well dressed man. If you are single, there is no better way to stand out from the rest of your class. ZZ Top even comes out and says it.
When I have gone out in classy clothes, I get a lot more attention from women, although my wife’s attention is what I care about the most. I also hear women that are disappointed in their men and say things like ‘I wish my husband/boyfriend would dress up.’ Don’t be one of those guys. Your woman will thank you for it. Listen to Barney’s advice from How I Met Your Mother and “Suit up!” He also says “Challenge accepted” Don’t you want to accept the challenge?
It gets really fun actually, and you will be surprised at how much you will enjoy it. You will have great conversations, meet lots of people, and when you get into it, you will always have something to wear to any dress up event, whether it be a job interview, wedding, or funeral. Maybe you will even get into some of the other things that guys used to do that are lost arts, like going to a barber shop, smoking a cigar, shaving with a straight razor, drinking finer alcohol like single malt scotches or gins or vintage drinks like martinis (look out for this article too), shooting vintage rifles (ever shot an M1 from WWII? Or a black powder springfield?), and fly fishing. Dressing up in vintage clothes is a first step in learning the lost arts of our forefathers, which is actually more manly than just sitting around wearing flip flops showing off your man feet (please stop doing this!)
Well we have explored some fun concepts, and I hope you have learned something and are able to look inside yourself and find the real reasons you don’t want to do something like this and the benefits if you do.